Easy and Elegant Life

The Search for Everyday Elegance and the Art of Living Well.

Does This Really Have to Be Said?


Gentleman, you pick up the cheque when you’ve asked someone out for coffee, dessert, drinks or dinner. If you extend the invitation, it is your responsibility to pay.

If you’ve no money whatsoever, buy a bottle of wine, some cheese and a baguette and ask her to join you for a picnic.

On to the grey areas.

If it’s a guys’ night that you’ve instigated, tell everyone that you’ll pick up the first round. If it’s business, casual or not, and you’ve asked to meet at a restaurant instead of at the office… in my book, you/your company buys.

If she asks you out, be charming, witty, attentive and please offer to pay as you’ve enjoyed her company so much. If she insists, accept graciously. Send a thank you. If you’d like to see her again, insist that you be allowed to take her out next time. It should go without saying that it isn’t done by texting.

6 thoughts on “Does This Really Have to Be Said?

  1. I am an old fashioned gal, but there is something so wonderful about treating someone and then getting a hand written thank-you or better yet a fresh vase with cut flowers!
    Texts are so easy but truly not so elegant.

  2. Old fashioned guy here. If one initiates the outing, that person pays. Also agree to offer to pay when a lady asks you out – Completely agree on non-texting – a phone call is better than that!

    I believe a gentleman should have suitable stationery and notes for just such occassions. A thank you note after a pleasant dinner at one’s home is also appreciated, even if its just a couple of sentences – it will be remembered.

  3. I think the thing that irritates me the moat is that the “who pays” is not made clear at the beginning, and this usually occurs with groups of people with whom you are familiar. Within this group there are quite often only one or two who initiate the social appointment, so it is not fair that he should shoulder the financial responsibility each time. So in these cases, I think it’s fair to make it clear, that we’ll be “going Dutch”, or that it will be “my shout”. If it’s not clear, and you assume that the initiator will pay, it comes as a rude shock when you’re asked to split the bill at the end. It’s just a question of managing expectations. With friends we run around with a lot we always “go Dutch”, but occasionally one or other of us will decide to “let me do this”, which is as nice a surprise when I do that, or when they do it!

  4. What fine advice and guidance here! I once dated a man who had made a science of how to avoid picking up the check when we were with other couples and groups. It drove me nuts, and it was embarrassing. And this side of his personality/character (lack of) was definitely a factor in my losing interest in him. It isn’t really about the money. It is about the understanding of and willingness to take one’s turn, fairness, social grace, and not take advantage of others–including those who can well afford to pick up the tab. Good advice here, and I will pass it along to the young adults I know who need to hear this.

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