I love lists. Gatsby had one dated September 12, 1906 written on the fly leaf of a ragged copy of Hopalong Cassidy. His read:

Rise from bed……………………………………………… 6.00 A.M.
Dumbell exercise and wall-scaling…………………….. 6.15-6.30 ”
Study electricity, etc……………………………………… 7.15-8.15 ”
Work………………………………………………………… 8.30-4.30 P.M.
Baseball and sports……………………………………….. 4.30-5.00 ”
Practice elocution, poise and how to attain it…………. 5.00-6.00 ”
Study needed inventions…………………………………. 7.00-9.00 ”

No wasting time at Shafters or [a name, indecipherable]
No smoking or chewing
Bath every other day
Read one improving book or magazine per week
Save $5.00 [crossed out] $3.00 per week
Be better to parents

Here’s a rather more useful one that I ran across in my recent reading.

“To Be a Gentleman - A Real and True Gentleman — A Man Should Be:

1. Of outstanding character.

2. Never late.

3. Always discreet.

4. Never arrogant.

5. Of impeccable manners.

6. Well spoken.

7. Immaculately dressed at all times.

8. Possessed of good social skills.

9. Possessed of genuine concern for others.

10. Forthright enough never to make excuses.”

(From the book: “How to Live Like a Gentleman: Lessons in Life, Manners and Style” by Sam Martin, The Lyons Press 2008. Excerpt used without permission, and will be removed at the request of author or publisher.)

Although Gatsby’s may be the more poignant of the two, both show the importance of vigilance in your quest for an everyday elegance. It is what a whole industry calls “goal-setting.”

Far too often we are sidetracked in our efforts; modern day life almost demands it, we are continuously assaulted with demands and information.

Which is why you should take a few minutes a day to reflect, revise and imagine.

One small change (”I will buy nothing new until I clean out my closet and then only that which is perfectly suited to me.” “I will set the table for dinner every weeknight for two weeks.” “I will exercise for 20 minutes a day, regardless.” Etc.), pursued relentlessly for several weeks can and will make a difference.

Thus endeth the Pollyanna pep talk.

How will you reinvent yourself? With what good habit will you reacquaint yourself? What do you resolve to do and what will be your first step?

(©istockphoto/Giancarlo Polacchini)

“I don’t know whether you like flowers, sir,” the count said, “but I took the liberty of just bringing these roses.”

“Here, give them to me.” Brett took them. “Get me some water in this, Jake.” I filled the big earthenware jug with water in the kitchen, and Brett put the roses in it, and placed them in the centre of the dining-room table.
– from “The Sun Also Rises” by Ernest Hemingway.

Today, the energetic Mrs. E. and I will pack the progeny into the car and venture to the wilds of Southern Maryland to visit a friend. The country house visit requires, as most visits do, a suitable gift. It wasn’t always this way. At one point, people thought it gauche to bring a gift. That has changed. And it is almost expected that a guest arrive with something in hand. Particularly when your friend never crosses your threshold without a picnic hamper of delicacies. Even if she is only staying for a quick drink.

I like the present-giving. As long as it doesn’t go too far. That means bringing something small and useful. Our friend is a very good cook and part Italian. Her parents owned a vineyard at one time (maybe they still do…) She qualifies as a “foodie.” Which makes my job easy.

Yesterday, I visited my local butcher (note: Monday isn’t the best day to visit the butcher. Weekends empty the cases.) Homemade Pancetta, Proscuitto and Boar sausage all made the cut. A loaf of crusty bread, several of our incredibly delicious, locally grown Hanover tomatoes and three bottles of good Italian red did, too.

We are not always as extravagant. During my early years as a college graduate, I was known for bringing three bottles of inexpensive Champagne to most events. Small, foreign soaps have accompanied me to small townhouses. Tins of real Virginia peanuts are always a big hit. A bottle of truffle oil is too. My local antiques market has a booth with lots of embroidered linens. I can almost always find an appropriate monogram on a set of cocktail napkins or a pillow case. A bottle of good bourbon or single malt whiskey is a safe bet, as is wine.

As a kid overseas, I once had a General give me a Big Mac that had been flown in “Space-A” with some other cargo. First burger I’d had in three years. Heaven. And just about as thoughtful as could be.

Which leads me to this: “it’s the thought that counts.” Think about your hostess and find something she’d love. If you don’t know her, send a thank you gift with a handwritten note the day after you leave. Even if it’s just a snapshot in the envelope, it’s sure to be a hit.

What are your never-fail hostess gifts? Or what gift have you been given that stands out as truly memorable (in a good way)?

(”Please, allow me….”)

I hate to have to post this, but having witnessed enough little violations of etiquette of late, I am afraid that the more egregious offences are not long in coming.

Everyone needs a refresher course now and again, even those of us with shelves full of etiquette books. So, let’s review a few basics.

Five Easy and Elegant Rules:

1) When confronted by a revolving door, the gentleman goes first, being careful to not speed through if an older woman or young child is next.

2) Don’t ask anyone’s age. It will be volunteered, if necessary.

3) Don’t ask how much someone paid for a large purchase, like a condo. It will be volunteered, if necessary.

4) Don’t ask how much someone makes as salary.

5) “Please” and “Thank you.”