I have recently had to undertake a duty that is one of the more difficult to face up to. My sister-in-law’s uncle, a nice man who always took time to speak with me at family gatherings, passed away last night. Even though I didn’t know him that well, I liked him and his wife, who is twin sister to my sister-in-law’s mother.

Many customs of more “civilized times” have fallen by the wayside in the rush of modern life. There are a few which we should fight to keep up. The letter of condolence is one.

This is one of those times when store-bought cards, e-mails, voice mails or anything other than a hand-written or at the very least, typed and signed letter is the only appropriate means of communicating your sympathy.

Your letter need not be over-long; the example above is from 1922 and signed by President Woodrow Wilson (for the full story, please visit The online Princeton Library. Write as soon as you hear about it. Offer your regrets on learning of the death. If you have a nice memory of the deceased, now is the time to put it in writing. If you want to attend the funeral, ask nicely and please offer some sort of support for the widow, widower, parent or grown child if you have any feelings for them at all.

Like funerals, letters of condolence are for those living with sudden grief. They remind us that none of us is alone.

It sounds funny, doesn’t it? “The Odd Man.” By odd I’m not referring to strange, but rather to the opposite of “even.” I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but during those dinners where the guests are evenly matched, there can lack a certain spontaneity. Not always. But sometimes. We fall into our default conversations about the kids, work, etc. . Every once in a while, it’s good to shake things up.

Take tonight for example. Invite a bachelor to dinner.

You may be too late, as some bachelors may have already begun the Friday happy hour in earnest sometime around lunch — often in preparation for a rendez-vous later that evening. But, if you’re lucky enough, and are held in high enough esteem by a bachelor friend, you may secure a solicitous, amusing, slightly bad influence who will grace your table with his presence and charm your other guests. Or at least take you and your spouse back to the days before family responsibilites fell from the heavens upon your doorstep.

Inviting a bachelor for dinner has its many rewards. You may almost always rely on a bachelor to be a good dinner party guest, sparking conversations, passing along good gossip and the latest trends, etc. For his part, he is often grateful to get a home-cooked meal, instead of having to make reservations at the current hot spot. After all, how many Michelin and Zagat rated meals and Grand Cru bottles can the average man take until his palate becomes seriously jaded? He gets to meet new people without having the pressure of separating a potential date from the herd with a mating dance and display of his spendid plumage. And, he will be reminded of the joys of bachelorhood when he may be tempted to chuck it all for 2.4 kids, the station wagon and the white picket fence.

Even better, when you run into him during the expense account dinner at that trendy hot spot, you can be sure that he will sing your praises and discreetly help you score that hard to get table or ticket past the velvet rope later. All his dining out with model/actresses does come in handy when he needs to be remembered. He will be on a first name basis with the doorman, maitre d’ or owner.

Full disclosure: while this post took a bit of a satirical turn, I do highly recommend adopting a bachelor for weekly dinners. Your evenings will be fuller for it. And, yes, he may do you a good turn, just because…. A very good friend of mine, a former bachelor, was instrumental in showing the door to an uninvited “guest” — a neighbor who pushed his way into my house one evening. The uninvited was more than a little menacing, right down to his prison tatoos (seriously) and crush on the divine Ms. E. (hard to blame him on that point….) However, he met his hard-nosed match in my friend — a lawyer who negotiates regularly with union bosses, judges and BIG business. Five minutes after my friend joined the conversation, the univited guest left the party. A week later, he moved.

And did we have a great anecdote for the married couples who joined us the next week.

(for more posters, postcards and evidence of The Golden Age of Travel, please visit Marine Art Posters.)

Recently I loaned a white dinner jacket to a friend who was going on a cruise. Not just any cruise, but a cruise that required a dinner jacket. In this case, it was a cruise on the Cunard Line’s Queen Mary 2, departing from Manhattan and arriving six days later at Southhampton in England. A week and a few days later, while my friends were still in England recovering from a magnificiant crossing, a postcard showed up in my letter box. I love getting postcards.

The card was a few very witty lines long, it showed the QM2 at sea. The cancelled postage stamp was English (45p.) It was the next best thing to being there.

Over the years I’ve been lucky enough to collect quite a few postcards sent by my friends including a card with the memorable P.S. to “send money” (from my college housemates.) Then there was a wonderful cut-out shot of a London Cab that my dog got ahold of before I did. It held pride of place on my refrigerator door for almost a year. A card from Portugal was written in hilariously incorrect Portuguese and was a joy for the polyglot Ms. E to translate for me.

At the moment, the QM2 card shares top billing with a card that my Mom sent to me from the Top of the Rock in NYC. I bet I give them the once-over a couple of times a day.

Learn to write a postcard and get in the habit of sending it before your return. It doesn’t take too long or require multiple drafts. Your friends will always thank you for it. Hopefully with dinner to hear your amusing travel stories.

In the meantime. Keep those cards and letters coming. Bon Voyage!

The Elegantologist
P.S. Pls. send $$.
E.